An account of my failed New Year goals

[As published in the November/December edition of Nkwazi magazine]

The end is nigh! The end of 2015 that is and for many it’s time to look back on the year and reflect on failures and successes. You’ll most likely ask yourself whether you’ve managed to achieve your new year’s resolutions or goals. Perhaps as you down some shots to celebrate the festive season, you’ll regretfully remember that as 2015 approached you resolved to quit drinking. I didn’t make any resolutions per se but I knew how I wanted the year to go and started out 2015 with a few goals in mind. And let’s just say, many weren’t achieved.

Maintain a healthy diet

My diet’s never been out of control but I wanted to make a more conscious effort to eat healthily. However, I knew I’d seriously slacked off when during the third quarter of the year I walked into a popular fast food joint and was greeted with, “It’s been a long time. Where have you been?” This 'restaurant' receives a lot of traffic and is often full to capacity, yet I’d been there enough times that some of the staff noticed my absence. So much for healthy eating. See me inhale pieces of fried chicken and you'd never guess that I used to be vegetarian.

Learn to drive

In my twenties I’m yet to learn how to drive, in part due to fear of taking the wheel. I’ve been put to shame by teens, even below legal driving age, who can move a vehicle more easily than me. I took all of three lessons this year. Three’s the number of lessons I took last year so I’ve convinced myself that it’s not a failure. I haven’t failed, I’ve just maintained last year’s (mediocre) standards. However, I curse myself (and the conductor) every time I’m shortchanged on a public bus. Living in a part of Lusaka where tarred roads are a rarity and finding a paved sidewalk is an impossibility, curses are in order every time I move around my neighbourhood. I’m inevitably covered in layers of dust whenever a car goes by me. At those times I bemoan the fact that I’m not in a car leaving pedestrians eating dust.

Exercise more

For all their annoyances, my dusty walks now constitute the majority of the exercise I get. This is despite the fact that I planned to work out more in 2015. Prioritising flexibility and low impact exercise, yoga was my go-to choice. I woke up bright and early on the first day of the year to do a few yoga sequences but in the weeks that followed I failed to keep the momentum going. Seeing the benefits of yoga from previous years (among other things, it helped keep me sane in my time at university), I recommend it to anyone who’ll listen but for now I’m not practising what I preach. Hypocrite.

Become a better photographer

I take some decent shots, if I don’t mind saying so myself but entering 2015 armed with a new DSLR camera I aimed to take my photography to the next level. I successfully shot a few events but otherwise my biggest achievement is that I’ve now adopted the annoying habit of photographing my meals with my cellphone. To my credit, I don’t put up “This is what I had for lunch” posts on social media. Not yet anyway.

Watch more TV

Yes, that’s right, more not less TV. Granted, this is a weird one. TV-related goals are typically concerned with cutting down time spent staring at the screen. Last year I drastically cut down on TV time and I felt a little clueless about what was going on in the world. I missed out on some major news stories and this former news junkie wasn’t comfortable with that. I also missed the relaxing and entertaining nights I used to have in front of the tube. In case you’re wondering, I don’t count Telemundo as entertainment fit for human consumption (sorry Mum) but I allow myself to occasionally watch some reality TV. If only to ogle at how ridiculous some people’s lives are. The thing is, two of the people I live with are TV addicts and prying the remote out their hands is a real battle. I could watch TV online but hey, internet bundles are expensive and I have to leave something in my budget for all those fast food runs.

Improve my French

When my schedule proved too busy to keep going for French classes, I decided to take up an offer from a francophone friend of a friend to meet at my convenience. He presented a great idea, I’d help him with his English and he’d help me with my French. However, when subsequent conversations were peppered with overt flirtation and talk of music and meals to go with our lessons, I called off our planned experiment worried he’d try to turn our meetings into dates. French may be called the language of love but our lessons didn’t have to be loved up.

Stop procrastinating

I’ll get to this one later. Seriously though, old, overused joke aside, I’ve actually made some gains on this goal. This one is a work in progress with some successes, writing being one area I’ve stopped putting off but there are other areas I haven’t been so successful in. At university I tried to practise what I called “productive procrastination” and I’m considering trying it out again. Cleaning my room and going to gym were two of my preferred modes of positive procrastination when I struggled with an assignment or assigned reading. Not always great for my studies but on the plus side, I was fitter than I am now and my room was always spotless.

How to actually achieve your resolutions

Varying studies have concluded that anywhere from 8 to 12 percent of people actually achieve their new year’s resolutions. There’s no real secret; psychologists agree it’s ultimately down to willpower. Additionally, focusing on one resolution at a time works better than focusing on multiple ones. Telling people who’ll hold you accountable and building up a support team is important too. Breaking down resolutions, especially vague ones, into concrete steps is particularly effective. Celebrating small milestones on the way to the to a big goal is highly advisable. Finally, making resolutions is not bad idea but putting them off until a later stage only means you’re putting off success. It’s merely a form of procrastination. There’s another joke that goes, “Procrastinators are the leaders of tomorrow.” But for some of us, tomorrow never comes so it’s best to start now on your journey to self-improvement today, rather than at some arbitrary date in the future.