The front page of a recent edition of The Post, Zambia’s top
selling daily newspaper, lead with headline, “I’m a virgin and my dream is to
marry a white man.” Next to those words was a picture of Juliet Buumba, 21, who
ran an advert in the paper in which stated she was looking for a man to marry,
a white man to be precise. A silly but harmless thing to do I thought. She
knows what she wants and she’s going after it, I told myself as I tried to
rationalise her words.
The problem is her reasons for wanting a white man are based
on a lie and Juliet’s ignorance. As she puts it, “White men are not violent.
They do not abuse their wives and that is why I want a white man to marry me.”
I’ll give Juliet credit for one thing; gender based violence (GBV) is a huge
problem in Zambia and that’s putting it lightly. The same paper that carried
Juliet’s story also featured an article stating that 8,699 cases of GBV had
been reported in the country from January to June. We can safely assume that
this is only a fraction of the cases and there are likely many more unreported
cases as most women don’t report cases of abuse.
Perhaps Juliet has watched one too many American sitcoms
featuring loving white families and near perfect white husbands and boyfriends.
Or maybe she’s let herself believe that because incidents of GBV are high, all
black Zambian men are bad people. Either way, she’s rather naïve for a
21-year-old. The story did generate a lot buzz (which is obviously what the
Post was after) and Juliet has been condemned by many but she likely has some
secret supporters especially among other black women who fantasise about
partnering up with a white man.
Juliet Buumba
postzambia.com
While I’ve never dated much (Facebook needs an option for
perpetually single), the times I have it’s been more out of my race than in it.
As someone who’s dated more out of her race than in it I’ve received both
admiration and criticism, although this criticism is often laced with some form
of envy. Many a wide-eyed black girl has asked me what it’s like to date a
white guy. “It must be nice one girl” once said, answering her own question.
One friend initially told me that unlike me she could never date a white man
but then weeks later admitted that she really badly wanted to date one. She was
just embarrassed to admit it earlier. Another friend who has a policy of dating
only white men “settled” for a mixed race man earlier this year. While he
treated her rather well it was clear she would’ve been happy if he was fully
white and not just half white.
I must honestly say I’ve generally felt that white guys have
treated me better than non-whites but unlike Juliet I’ve not fooled myself into
thinking that all white guys are better than all black guys. As one friend put
it, “They’re not all Mr Darcy.” I do find myself making negative
generalisations about Zambian men often. Today for instance while passing
through two different bus stops on the way two work I got harassed by some men
who thought it appropriate to make creepy comments about my appearance. I had
close to a dozen men “undress me” with their eyes all before 8am. They seemed
to think they were complimenting me but I simply felt violated. Some of these
men get annoyed when I ignore them as if they deserve my attention after they
whistle at me like an animal and rudely shout at me to come over to them. A
significant proportion of Zambian men certainly need an attitude adjustment
when it comes to the way they view women. I could write a whole other post on
this and I have to stop myself going off on a rant right now.
At the time the Post article went to print Buumba had
apparently received 50 responses, only 2 from white men. I can only assume the
men must have a fetish for black women or perhaps have had a rather
unsuccessful dating life. Because why else would they be willing to date a
deluded woman who was mostly interested in them for the colour of their skin. And
the 48 non-white men? I don’t even know what to think of them. Maybe they think
they can “convert” Juliet and redeem black men.
If Juliet ends up with William, the respondent to her ad that
she’s most interested in, I’d say the two deserve each other. In the same way
that Kim and Kanye deserve each other, they’re both deluded people. But hey,
I’ve spent too much time writing about a woman who I’m not sure deserves any
attention at all.
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